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Phone: (213) 880 8262

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3 Ways Technology Can Negatively Impact Your Relationship

Posted by on Jun 28, 2017 in Blog, Couples Therapy, Life Tips | 0 comments

Technology is amazing. Over the last century or so technology has brought us closer together through reduced travel times, more communication options, and more varied shared experiences. More recently technology has also been driving people apart, especially those in a close relationship.

Slowing Real Life Dating

Online dating generally leads to people courting longer. The time between meeting online and meeting in person is a time filled with fantasy and possibility. As soon as that in person meeting happens some of the mystery is dispelled. Everything gets much more real in real life. Many people delay the real-life meeting as long as possible to enjoy the fantasy for as long as possible. Unfortunately, the longer the fantasy lives on, the more likely real life is to disappoint.

Distraction

Many people have developed an instinctive response to their cell phones. They’ll have it in their hand checking it when it makes a noise, often without even realizing they’re doing it. Where the telephone invited people to interrupt our home life unannounced with a ring, smartphones invite the entire world to our every moment with no warning. We’ve responded by paying attention to that world, often at the expense of the people we are physically near. Many people are so distracted by their phones they are prone to anxiety when they don’t have them near.

Temptation

Phones, tablets, and the Internet. It is easier than ever to be tempted, fall prey to temptation, and hide it from a significant other. Many people spend time fantasizing about options beyond their significant other. This in and of itself isn’t necessarily unhealthy. What drives people apart is to take these fantasies anywhere outside the mind. While some may claim it’s a logical fallacy, human nature is for that slippery slope to lead all the way down. The ease in taking that next step towards cheating on our partners is much easier to take with modern technology than it has been in the past.

If there’s something, technology or not, coming between you and your partner Dr. William Conti, PhD can help. At East-West Therapy in Honolulu can help any couple through tough spots in their relationship.

5 Ways to Release Your Anger and Embrace Forgiveness

Posted by on Jun 21, 2017 in Blog, Honolulu Therapist, Therapist | 0 comments

When somebody wrongs you can be hard to move on. It gets harder the closer you are to each other. The pain and anger is real, and it should be treated as such. Unfortunately, that pain and anger can fester, becoming even worse than the wrong originally done.

Learning to forgive the person who wronged you, and let go of the pain and anger will ultimately lead to healing. Embracing forgiveness in this way is hard. Don’t ever think it’s easy. However, it is achievable, and with the help of a qualified therapist it may be easier than you expect.

Forgive, Not Forget

Some people mistake forgiving with forgetting. They feel they could never forgive because the memory will never go away. They aren’t the same thing. Forgiving never means forgetting. In cases of extreme pain, it may be very important to remember. Remembering a person hurt you so you stay out of future relationships with them is important for instance, but you can still forgive them to allow your own internal healing to progress. Embrace forgiveness to promote healing, but know you don’t have to forget.

Live Now, and for the Future

Try to let go of the past and work toward the future. Often concentrating on what happened in the past prevents us from moving forward. Forgiving is moving forward, and requires coming to terms with the past.

Forgive Unconditionally

As hard as it is, you must forgive with no expectations. You must forgive for real. It must be with no reservations. It must stick even if nothing comes back. Even though we tell others when we forgive them, we do it for ourselves.

Start with Yourself

In a surprising number of cases a person will blame themselves for something that happened to them. If this is you, you must forgive yourself. You will struggle to forgive the other person involved until you have forgiven yourself.

Start Right Now

The only better time than the present to forgive someone is in the past. There is nothing to gain by waiting to forgive. It allows the pain and anger to fester longer, gives them power over your life longer, and delays your healing process. Choose to forgive now, and start working to make it real.

If you need a therapist in Hawaii to help you work through forgiving someone contact East-West Therapy for an appointment today.

3 Ways Psychotherapy Can Help With Chronic Pain

Posted by on May 24, 2017 in Blog, Therapist, Waikiki Therapist | 0 comments

In life, it’s important to remember the days can be long but the years are short. This is how chronic pain happens. It starts out as regular pain one day. Before you know it, years have passed and the pain that started out as an isolated incident is now chronic.

Modern medicine is great at dealing with pain. It’s even pretty good at dealing with the physical cause of pain. Unfortunately, pain, especially chronic pain, can be much more than a physical problem. Chronic pain can lead to depression, and difficulties with the people and relationships in your life. This is where therapy comes in. While medical doctors take care of the physical pain and problems causing it therapists, such as Dr. William Conti, can treat the emotional trauma associated with chronic pain.

Some of it is in the Mind

Chronic pain is real, we know this. The thing to remember is that some symptoms of chronic pain are in the mind. Chronic pain effects how we interact with people on a daily basis, how we think about the world around us, and how we feel about ourselves. Medically trained doctors aren’t equipped to deal with these aspects of chronic pain management. A therapist is trained to help you work through issues such as these.

Outside Support is more Valuable Than We Realize

Having someone outside of your daily experience to share your struggles with is a powerful thing. Meeting with a therapist gives you a safe haven to express your thoughts and feelings. Dealing with chronic pain isn’t easy, and by having a safe haven to talk about your struggles you don’t have to feel as if you face them alone.

Pain Management Without Drugs

This is a pretty tall order. The truth is that chronic pain almost always needs some level of medication. What a therapist can bring in is alternatives that lessen the reliance on drugs. After learning about you, your pain, and your life situation the therapist can help you learn different techniques for pain management that don’t rely on drugs.

Therapist Waikiki at East-West Therapy

If you’re experiencing chronic pain and need someone to talk to in Waikiki or surrounding communities please reach out to us at EastWest Therapy. You will be rewarded with a safe, supportive, encouraging, non-judgmental, and nurturing space where we can help you find new ways to deal with your chronic pain.

How to Help Children Grieve the Death of a Parent

Posted by on May 12, 2017 in Blog, Honolulu Therapist, Therapist, Waikiki Therapist | 0 comments

Losing a child is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. Just about the only thing worse is for a child to lose a parent. Children lack the emotional maturity to deal with death in the way adults do. Younger children may not even understand exactly what death means. The adults left in their lives need to be there for them, though knowing how to help can be difficult.

Listen

One of the most important things to do is listen to the child. They may want to ask questions. The questions should be heard, and answered to the best of your ability. If the answer isn’t known, admit it and try to find the right answer. It’s important to keep the child’s age in mind and answer appropriately, but keep it real. This isn’t the time for avoiding difficult topics or making up “soft” answers to tough questions.

Be There

Children need time to grieve. Not only that, but their patterns of grief differ from adults. They may seem fine for a week, but then have a really bad night as they try to process their loss. The goal is to be there for the child as long as they need it.

Let Them See You Cry

Part of being there is to be there in your grief as well. One of the best ways to let them know their feelings are OK is to show your feelings to them. Let them see you go through the process of grieving and accepting the loss. Admit to them that it’s never really forgotten, that life is different from this point on. Emotions don’t work on a specific timetable, and they should know that it’s normal to feel fine one minute, in pain the next, and angry a little after that.

Bring in Outside Help with Grief Counseling

Get in touch with a child therapist or grief counselor. Encourage the child to talk to them about their pain even more freely than they talk to you about it. Getting professional help is nothing to be ashamed of, and always a good idea. In Honolulu East West Therapy offers grief counseling, and has experience working with children. Contact them today at (213) 880-8262 for an initial appointment.

How To Move on After a Breakup in a Healthy Way

Posted by on Apr 29, 2017 in Blog, Couples Therapy, Honolulu Therapist, Life Tips, Therapist, Waikiki Therapist | 0 comments

Back in the early 60’s Neil Sedaka recorded a song called “Breaking Up is Hard to Do” which rapidly rose to the top of the charts. He unwittingly tapped into a reality that we all know, there is no worse part of a relationship than the breakup.

The pain of a breakup can be so strong people will stay in relationships far longer than is healthy. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the receiving end of the breakup or the one initiating it either. There are people that try to break up with someone by cutting off contact rather than facing the person to tell them. There are others that will withdraw for weeks after being broken up with.

Experiencing this much pain is traumatic. Just as a cast is needed to treat a broken limb after it’s been set in place, counseling can be used to treat the emotional pain of a break-up.

Friends can be great to talk to after a breakup, but they can also be problematic. Breakups involve two people and your friends will tend to paint a picture where you were perfect and the other person caused all the problems. This can lead to a similar relationship in the future with the same ending, a vicious cycle.

A counselor can help you truly move on by painting a picture where both of you contributed to the relationships demise. This healthier approach leads to personal growth. It can break a cycle of bad relationships and open the door to new, better relationships in the future.

Moving on from a breakup can be scary. Friends and family may try to help, but can push you before you’re ready. This can lead to a repeat of the last relationship, or an even worse one. An experienced counselor will help you avoid self-destructive behavior, such as jumping into a new relationship before you’re ready.

At East West Therapy in Honolulu, HI you can speak with a counselor who has over 20 years of experience helping others emotionally. We use a whole life approach and will provide you with ideas for healing that go beyond our time together in the office. Contact us now to set up an appointment.

Is Being Selfish Always Bad?

Posted by on Apr 27, 2017 in Blog, Honolulu Therapist, Therapist, Waikiki Therapist | 0 comments

We are taught to share from a very early age. This isn’t an inherently bad thing, sharing is good. Putting others first is an important part of many philosophies. Even commercials on TV will suggest we spend money helping others with their troubles.

Sometimes we may not want to help others though. Perhaps we’re struggling to see where we can give to others. Maybe we feel as if others are taking advantage of us. Whatever the reason, sometimes the actions we decide to take will have others feel like we’re being selfish.

Generally speaking, being selfish isn’t socially acceptable. Our society has ingrained helping others. If we are seen denying help to others that, from the outside, seems like it should be easy for us to provide we can find ourselves at the receiving end of scornful looks or harsh words.

Selfish is defined as lacking concern for others, for being concerned primarily with oneself. When people see someone take actions that appear to benefit that person more than they benefit others, they may cry out that the person is being selfish. The truth is, whether the person was selfish or not, the people crying foul are in the wrong.

Think of your energy as a water tank which you get limited chances to refill. You can allow others to drink from this tank, but you need to survive off of it as well. If you spend too much time helping others drink from the tank you may miss a chance to refill it, or you end up needing more after it’s depleted.

There are times in life when the best thing we can do to help others is take care of ourselves first. If we don’t take some time to help ourselves we will eventually be unable to help others. This may be as simple as saying no to someone, or as difficult as asking someone else for help in a time of need.

If you are in one of those times of need and can’t find someone to help you then seek out a professional. East West Therapy in Honolulu, HI provides counseling for those fighting with anxiety or guilt brought on not only by feelings of selfishness, but for any other reason as well. Call 213-880-8262 today to schedule an appointment.

The Truth About Facing Depression and How to Overcome it

Posted by on Feb 17, 2017 in Depression, Life Tips, Waikiki Therapist | 0 comments

Everybody knows depression spikes when a new year starts. Feelings of isolation can increase after the holidays, when people seemed to be around every corner. Feelings of inadequacy may intensify at a time when many people are reflecting on the previous year and planning for the next one. The specific reasons are as varied as the people who feel depression.

Depression can be tough to deal with alone, especially if being alone is part of the depression cycle. One of the best things a person can do when dealing with depression is to get professional help. A trained psychologist can help you face depression, and eventually beat it. From medication to talk therapy their training and experience has given them a large toolbox. Rest assured they can reach into that toolbox and find the right treatment for you.

Medication is one of the most common forms of depression treatment. In some cases, medication is a short-term need supplanted by progress made through other methods of treatment. In other cases, medication may be the best long term care option for an individual. Medication is almost never given as the only form of treatment. At the very least there are still regular visits to monitor the effect of medication over time.

What Does A Psychologist Look For?

When a psychologist looks at the whole picture of a patient’s well-being they may discover some lifestyle changes to suggest. Adding exercise and meditation to a daily routine can increase the effectiveness of other treatment options. Some dietary changes may also be suggested. In cases of mild depression lifestyle changes alone may be enough.

Talk therapy is what most people picture when they think of visiting a psychiatrist. The most classic form of this is a patient lying down on a couch talking to the therapist while the therapist takes notes on a yellow legal pad. It doesn’t have to look like this though. Sitting at a desk or table together in regular chairs having a regular conversation that the therapist records can easily be just as effective.

Jungian therapy uses methods such as dreamwork, active imagination, shadowplay, and other techniques to help a person delve deep into their own psyche. Using Jungian Methodology, a psychiatrist will help guide a patient deeper into their self, using a symptom such as depression as a launching point. The journey is often hard, but at the end a person become more aware of themselves, and the depression dissipates.

Contact Dr. William Conti, PhD for help with your depression by calling (213) 880 8262. East West Therapy services the Waikiki, Honolulu, and Oahu areas in Hawaii.

The Benefits of Teletherapy To Improve Mental Awareness in The Digital Age

Posted by on Oct 18, 2017 in Blog, Featured, Teletherapy | 0 comments

Getting the proper mental assistance that you need is a chore. There’s insurance to deal with, public transit mishaps that slow you down or make you miss your appointments, and then there’s the effort to actually remember your appointment. Life gets messy. That’s why East-West is committed to your schedule; not the other way around.

What Is The Benefit of Virtual Therapy (Teletherapy)?

It’s the solution to every time you were running late, or every time you had to miss an appointment because you were sick or your car broke down. Teletherapy is essentially the proper help you need, but without having to travel to get it. The day-to-day operations of work, family life, and trying to maintain your compose are all extremely stressful, and strenuous processes. East-West gives you the comfort to sit on the couch in alternate weather conditions, relax in your pajamas, and still talk one-on-one with a licensed, practicing therapist.

Fitting Your Schedule

If you have a one-hour lunch break, but depression is getting the better of you, and you’re not even sure you want to leave the office, or eat for that matter, East-West is there. Use that hour to talk with a licensed therapist to power through the rest of your day. Every single day, we’re constantly told to be faster, to be more productive, and with technology constantly getting in the way, things get confusing and frustrating. The benefits of the digital age should greatly outweigh the downsides, but they don’t. The few benefits that you can capitalize on should make the best impact imaginable, like your choice for mental health.

Pressing The “Off Button”

There’s two ways to go about this: physically power down your devices. Those pesky IoT components that are constantly buzzing with notifications, email alerts, and everything in between—at the same time, press the off button on your stress. Give yourself the quiet, tech-free zone to relax in. The only thing you need is your phone, and a bit of uninterrupted time. East-West can give that to you. Shut down without breaking down. Your mental well-being and clarity are top priority—let us help you remember that, and contribute to your mental health.

Contact us at East-West Therapy Hawaii for more information on how we can help you with teletherapy!

Why Teletherapy Is the Best Option for Counseling in 2018

Posted by on Sep 27, 2017 in Blog | 0 comments

How Can Teletherapy Benefit You?

We know not everyone can get to their therapy appointments. Whether it’s thickly-settled communities with traffic problems, conflicting schedules with work, or anything in between, life ends up getting in the way. Therapy is an important part of your life—managing your emotions should be the same as getting a good night sleep. We aim to make that happen.

Always Out of Time?

You sit down at the end of the day, emotionally exhausted, physically drained, and you wonder where all the time went. If you can’t get to an office, scheduling a teletherapy call is the next best thing. With real counselors on the line, you’re still getting the same experience as if you were in a physical location, all at your leisure. Scheduling your appointment can be done from your phone, and so can you sessions. The convenience is invaluable.

Simplistic Confidentiality

Everything between you and your counselor is 100% private, as you would expect at any un-office appointment, but we know that getting used to a new counselor can be a bit of a trial. When you take away the face to face interaction, the nervousness and anxiety of entrusting someone new goes with it. It’s easier to connect over the phone.

Effective Treatment Without The Hassle

Studies have shown that teletherapy conversations can offer the exact same benefits of in-office sessions, all on your time, and at your convenience. When you go to an in-office appointment, the only difference during your session is the physical ability to see your therapist in front of you. Think about this: in-office visits subject you to vocal responses, and a physical requirement to be in the same room as your therapist. When you take away the office, it’s all about engaging in conversation. Being able to do that over the phone yields the same results.

A Tool Against Depression

Sometimes, depression’s tendrils try to keep you down and deter you from leaving the house, or engaging in social activities. When you use teletherapy means, you can be there for your appointment without having to be there for your appointment. It can be a great tool to bring yourself out of a funk, and get the ball rolling again.

Interested in more information about how teletherapy can help you? Please contact us (231) 880-8262.

How Couples Therapy Helps With Marriage

Posted by on Aug 25, 2017 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. Nobody gets married with the plan of becoming a statistic, but half of them do. Some of these marriages could invariably be saved, through couple’s therapy.

 

Couples therapy has a number of benefits for the couple. It should be noted that they will only see the benefit if they’re willing to do the work. As with any type of therapy couples therapy relies on people to put in to it before they can get something out of it.

 

As a couple attends therapy, together and separately, they should start to view the relationship differently. When a couple starts therapy, they view the relationship a specific way. They will often blame each other for things. Their therapist will help them look at the relationship differently. The details vary greatly by couple and therapist, but the change in mindset is essential to change the direction of the relationship.

 

A couple should start to behave differently, especially towards each other, through the course of counseling. Harmful behavior should fade. They should start to support each other instead, displaying healthier behavior as they move closer to reconciliation.

 

Many times, lack of communication can be found at or near the root of relationship problems. Therapy will help the couple find way to communicate better. The couple should stop avoiding each other and become emotionally available to each other again as they work with their therapist.

 

Eventually therapy needs to focus on the good. While solving the bad is a goal, for long-term strength in the relationship the couple needs to learn to focus on the good as well. Focusing on the good in the relationship should help restore the joy a couple had early on – when they only saw the good in each other.

If you are facing tough times in your relationship East-West Therapy Hawaii wants to help. With over 20 years of experience Dr. William Conti, PhD has seen couples in a worse spot than you. Don’t try to go it alone, contact us today to start the process of healing in your relationship.

Does Your Spouse Have Depression & What to Do

Posted by on Aug 25, 2017 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Seeing a loved one in pain is hard. It can be especially hard if there seems to be nothing you can do to help them. Often when a person is afflicted with true clinical depression there is nothing they can identify as the problem, resulting in nothing their loved ones can do to help them. This can get especially bad between spouses, and may start a couple down the path of divorce if left untreated. Depression Counseling can help. Read on to learn more. 

 

When helping your spouse with depression it’s important to be ready yourself. Without preparing to help them, you could easily start to develop some of the same symptoms as them. Allow people close to you to help you through this difficult time in your life.

 

Reach out to your spouse, acknowledging they have a medical condition. It’s important not to blame them, or tell them they need mental help. Emphasis the condition is medical and that you are there to help them however they need it. Validate their feelings and guide them to the proper professional to help them through this time in their life.

 

The most important thing is to go through this together. Be there for your spouse as part of the solution. Don’t send them off for help, or treat them as part of the problem. The statistics are on your side, depression treatment has a very high success rate.

 

Once symptoms are clearing up be sure to keep an eye out for them to return. Depression has a very high relapse rate. Every time it comes back it needs to be treated just the same, as a medical issue that you work together on as a couple.

 

Throughout all of this work with a professional. Don’t try to deal with these things alone. They will guide you both through the choices you have, equipping you with tools that can help along the way.

If you or your spouse is fighting depression in the greater Honolulu, HI area then contact us at East-West Therapy Hawaii. You can start with a free 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your specific situation and hear how I can help.